All I Want for Christmas...

... is You!



I love that song. I don't love it too too much, but I'd put it in my Christmas (non spiritual) top 15. Maybe I am too free with what I say I "love" these days.



But there is a lot of love in my heart these days. There was a point in my life when I was depressed with no concept of love or what it was. The past several years have been a process of relearning how to evaluate myself and the things that matter to me. And the with past 3 or 4 years, each year is better than the last.

If you knew me before 2005ish, you'd understand what I'm talking about. It was hard for me to tell anyone I loved them back then. And I found little joy in much of anything, so I didn't really go around talking about how much I loved this or that. I guess that's what depression is; when you are too low to rise above the hurt and enjoy all that is good in your life.

I'm a lot better off today than I have ever been, regarding the condition of my heart. I hope it's true when I say I really am more capable of being a decent person and a good friend because of the trials I experienced in the past. Don't get me wrong, I still have issues. I mean Issues. But who doesn't? I almost love you more because of your issues, since it kind of makes me feel more normal. Here's one of mine, for example: I get paranoid that the person I'm talking to isn't just texting a friend, but that they're really texting their friend to call them so they won't have to talk to me. And other stuff like that pops up every now and then. Let's have issues together!

But really, let's not celebrate our issues. Let's be friends and help each other out.

It's tough living in a life which seems to be constantly changed. I feel like I don't have any roots yet b/c we've moved moved around a bit, and I'm at job # 3 or 4, depending on how you count. It can be tough to make new friends, since a lot of people I know already have their own lives sorted out, with their own family, and plenty of their own friends. But I still have all this love I want to share.

Presents are fun to get for Christmas, but as I get older, I'm realizing that holidays don't mean nothing unless you have someone to share them with. I wish there could be a perfect way to package up and wrap love and give it as a gift. That's what Christmas began as, right? As the gift of dear 8 pounds 6 ounces... new born infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet.

So thanks for being my friends. And know that I appreciate you and truly love you. Merry Christmas!

8 Things that warm my heart

For the third day in a row now, it's been cold in Corpus Christi. By cold, I mean less than 70D. But a cold front woke me up early Monday morning when in blew in, then it rained/drizzeled allllllll day yesterday, and it was brisk today. I am hearing rumors of snow in one ear, then warm from in the other ear. I'd be okay with it just staying the same 45-65 range till March.

I'm reminded of Hot Dr. Pepper with lemon rings from my childhood, and other tricks we'd use to stay warm during the frigid winters of west Texas. Then my mind is lead to think about the things that always seem to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Here is a list of 8 things that warm my heart:

In no special order

1. The contrast of vibrant reds and blues when the sun sets on a kind-of cloudy day. I could sit and watch sunset after sunset. I don't know why but it captivates my attention like few things can.

2. Rest. Real rest, when all the housework and other chores are done. Sitting on the couch, leaning back, and taking a deep breath is always good. But it has a healing effect when you don't have to get right back up and do more work.

3. A good conversation. I've realized that my top love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. That's why I might hunt you down sometimes just to sit and talk with you for 3 minutes. I know I can be too talkative sometimes, but I truly enjoy listening to stories. I think staying connected to the people I interact with the most is a large priority in my life.

4. Worship and prayer. I guess it goes without saying, but when you are in the presence of God, you kind of melt. There is no greater thrill than hearing the voice of the Lord in your ear, and his breath on your face.

5. Babies. I used to not like babies. But when my sister had her first, my heart changed. Now, I kind of know what I'm missing, when I hold them and have special conversations with them, just looking eye to eye. I want my own baby, and look forward to holding him some day. (I say "him" because I think we are pretty much biologically guaranteed to have a boy.)

6. When a friend leans against me, touches my face, or plays with my hair. I think most girls like these things. It makes me feel like I'm loved, cherished, and appreciated. Who doesn't like to feel that way?

7. When I hear about people helping people. You hear so much negativity from the news, that it's rare when anything truly good is featured. I like to listen to Air 1 88.1 because most of the news is positive.

8. Pictures. I love to look through our old photos, and other people's too. Not even to enjoy a memory, but just to enjoy the faces and scenes. I feel closer to a person by seeing them in photos for some reason. My favorites are baby/childhood pics, and candid shots.

Other things that could have made the list, but were too obvious:
- My darling Ryan, when he is sweet and vulnerable.
- Food. Really good food and beverages.
- Helping someone accomplish an important goal.
- Crying or laughing with someone I love.

What warms your heart?