All I Want for Christmas...

... is You!



I love that song. I don't love it too too much, but I'd put it in my Christmas (non spiritual) top 15. Maybe I am too free with what I say I "love" these days.



But there is a lot of love in my heart these days. There was a point in my life when I was depressed with no concept of love or what it was. The past several years have been a process of relearning how to evaluate myself and the things that matter to me. And the with past 3 or 4 years, each year is better than the last.

If you knew me before 2005ish, you'd understand what I'm talking about. It was hard for me to tell anyone I loved them back then. And I found little joy in much of anything, so I didn't really go around talking about how much I loved this or that. I guess that's what depression is; when you are too low to rise above the hurt and enjoy all that is good in your life.

I'm a lot better off today than I have ever been, regarding the condition of my heart. I hope it's true when I say I really am more capable of being a decent person and a good friend because of the trials I experienced in the past. Don't get me wrong, I still have issues. I mean Issues. But who doesn't? I almost love you more because of your issues, since it kind of makes me feel more normal. Here's one of mine, for example: I get paranoid that the person I'm talking to isn't just texting a friend, but that they're really texting their friend to call them so they won't have to talk to me. And other stuff like that pops up every now and then. Let's have issues together!

But really, let's not celebrate our issues. Let's be friends and help each other out.

It's tough living in a life which seems to be constantly changed. I feel like I don't have any roots yet b/c we've moved moved around a bit, and I'm at job # 3 or 4, depending on how you count. It can be tough to make new friends, since a lot of people I know already have their own lives sorted out, with their own family, and plenty of their own friends. But I still have all this love I want to share.

Presents are fun to get for Christmas, but as I get older, I'm realizing that holidays don't mean nothing unless you have someone to share them with. I wish there could be a perfect way to package up and wrap love and give it as a gift. That's what Christmas began as, right? As the gift of dear 8 pounds 6 ounces... new born infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet.

So thanks for being my friends. And know that I appreciate you and truly love you. Merry Christmas!